all so sudden...

i was supposed to be in high spirits last night but...

now guilt has taken control of me...

it is really hard to accept the fact that life could be so cruel... at first, you want something, when it's presenting itself to you, hesitation hits you straight in the gut but there's nothing you can do but WANT IT SOME MORE... at the expense of something you had grown to respect...

i'm in that predicament right now...

i'm happy but i can't seem to really feel it...

maybe i just have to wait for the SHOCK to fade away... and be myself once more...

thinking of you

how are you...
hope you're fine...
i've been thinking so much about you,
from time to time...

when can i see you...
what shall i do
i miss you so much,
but what can i do...

i've read a letter written by you
the thing you accuse yourself
i believe is not true...

you are not a coward...
for i could not love one...
you are only being kind,
not to yourself but to someone

stay strong
just hold on
think of better things,
and just move on

and when the bad times do come
just remember that I LOVE YOU
let's just be together
and have some fun...

life and death

i was so shocked to find myself in one of the most tragic situations one could ever be in... the mood was so tense that all of us involved could do nothing but feel sorry and grieve for the loss of someone so dear to a friend of ours...

i could only wish that fate could've been kinder to my friend and his family...

kiss so sweet

eyes closed we feel each other
the scent of love as warm as summer
drifting slowly like mid-afternoon dreams
as we walk away
shall we talk someday...

is it a crime to want me for you
just smile coz by then we shall see things through
to run and hide won't make things better
are we trapped, do we like it...
i want you for me...

with eyes closed we kissed each other
hoping one day...
what is best, which one's better...

slide away... you and me...

...oh let me be the one, to slide with you...in the morning, we don't don't know what to do...

so goes an old oasis song called slide away...

i'm so happy with what's been happening to me lately... seems like fate has given me something to smile about... or...

...or... is fate playing another one of its brutal games... i guess i'll just have to wait and see...

i think i wanna hear that wannadies song again and again and again... "it was always you and me always and forever...pa papa pa pa pa pahh"

enjoy the silence

just got home from a very long day's work and guess what? i'm not sleepy... yes i'm NOT sleepy... i've been awake for the past 39 hours and my eyes are beginning to annoy me but still...

it was a road trip actually and it was quite fun thanks to a compilation i made yesterday morning before i left the house... of the 21 tracks included in the cassette 5 songs really made me enjoy the ride...

first up is from side B track 5 (dreams burn down - ride) this was playing while we were stuck in heavy traffic at balintawak. the sky was a bit dark and cloudy and it was only 2:55 in the afternoon... the noise made by the guitars of that song made me think of bombs dropping on the poor side walk vendors and rugby boys while our driver kept wishing that it would rain hard so that the traffic enforcers wouldn't notice that the van was under coding that time... well there were no bombs, it didn't rain and we didn't get caught; funny because somewhere in that stretch - from SM north to muñoz, the vehicle was so exposed to some MMDA enforcers. luckily we got ignored...

at 4pm, we parked at shell select for a short snack sesssion... while enjoying the sight of two kids playing tag infront of me, i accidentally turned my cassette on and "burned out" by radiohead was playing. all of a sudden, i was in a state of momentary bliss which lasted until one of the kids accidentally (?) threw at me a rubber toy insect, good thing that i was in this blissed out state or else i could've acted like an embarrassment to humankind instead...

by 6pm we were almost in gapan but the traffic was so heavy that i suddenly realised that they were playing songs from rivermaYUCKs on the car stereo... to regain sanity i turned my walkman on and the song "4 men" by kitchens of distinction was playing ... this is a song about being gay according to an old acquaintance and i really got into it, not realising that i was already head bobbing. when someone from the entourage asked me if i was bobbing to the music of the "YUCKIES", i instantly replied with dagger looks sabay smile and said "anong oras nga pala kayo nasundo sa fairview kanina?"

close one... hope i didn't offend them that much but i really hate riverMAYUCKs... no need to explain sorry again... i passed out for 15 minutes maybe... and when i got back "half-life, remembered" from pale saints was playing. i looked around and no one was inside the van. they all went to answer nature's call at the gas station... i hopped out of the van and went inside the store to get a coke, i opened it at once and started drinking. i was about to pay for it when i caught a glimpse of an old buy and sell issue. so i hurriedly went thru the pages and saw some guitars on sale. from the outside, one of my mates was signalling to me that we were about to leave. i went out of the store threw the can into the garbage outlet, got in the van and off we went. then i realised that i did not pay for the coke, hehehe ... i guess the volume of my earphones was too loud...

last song that made the trip a memorable one was "felt so fine" by ahem candyaudioline... the timing was perfect... it was OVERTAKE mode for us and it was like a rollercoaster formula 1 ride for the next 3 minutes... 15 vehicles, 4 of which were 10 wheelers... speed rules...

anyway, life still sucks in the end... i just hope we get to see each other later tonight... hmm it's 6:14 in the morning... I'M HUNGRY!!!

Together

i just got home and i can't think of anything to write about...

the day started out on a sour note. i woke up at exactly 11:30am to the annoying sound of bon jovi's "bad medicine". then, i quickly dashed to my pc to see if i had successful downloads. well, someone turned it off... fuck!!! oh well i started to reconnect and when i did, the connection was so slow that i decided to be my own telebabad self again... but to my disappointment, i forgot that it was a working day, and so i decided burn a few songs from my pc which i promised to my bandmate. but then my pc wouldn't start properly and it would always shut down... is this a joke or something?

then i decided to go to work but not before i got to talk to a few friends and a LOVED ONE on the phone... (it's been three days since we last saw each other and i'm missing her more and more)

by 3pm i left the house then arrived at work 45 minutes later... as usual... chaos... fun... yosi... yosi... fun... kain... meteor garden... text ... text ... organizing stuff ... confirmations of gigs and stuff... counting huge amounts of money ... worrying about where to eat dinner ... talked to her on the phone again... texted a whole lot of people about call times aaarrrgggh... okey it's almost nine... out i go, to where? MAYRICS... i was a bit nevervous because i was carrying a large sum of money...

at mayrics i had sisig rice for dinner ... slapshock was slated to perform that evening, which explains the early turn-out of people... after i had my fill, i called her again for the third time... after which, our ride to las piñas arrived and off we went, but not before i received another text message from her which caused my face to smile, my heart to jump up and my SOUL to BLUSH... Happy i was that very moment... i guess i'll stop here... no need to share the hell i was in after my brief encounter with HEAVEN...

felt so fine? i did... i did... i did...

boredom is eating me right this very moment and i'm missing her so much. i couldn't seem to download anything from soulseek for the past hour and a half... i'm only 3% short of completing an early primal scream video, 1% short on a pixies video and just 2% on a denim mp3... this sucks!!!

now i'm beginning to miss my past few days of being out all night long with my bandmates and some friends... practicing then going someplace else then playing in front of an unsuspecting crowd then going somewhere else again. how i wish we can do it every night (eat, drink and be happy)...

... oops phone call... okey gotta go...

i'm saved!!! it would be really nice if i'm with her right now sharing a few drinks, food, thoughts and loads of laughs along the way!!!

hi everyone!

welcome to my blog!

how should i start this? honestly, i can't think of anything to write about... maybe i could start this by ending my entry right this very moment...

bye for now! but before i go, i've a question... is it really that hard to remember as to when was the last time one ever felt so fine?